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18-Jan-2018 18:42

2010 was when I first received compliments towards my skinny body. My Anorexic Mind has been a voice of comfort, a best friend, for a very long time. With all the moves, the new schools, new friends, new cities, new teams, new homes, new jobs, new new new, change change change, my Anorexia was the only thing that remained the same. In fact, which is common in Recovery, it feels like a death of a loved one. Conditioning myself to respond appropriately at the sight of food. I felt high and it felt really, really good - trumping the dizziness, the light-headedness, the lack of social life sexual desire, the low energy, the depression, you name it. It pains me to say this but if it weren't for the excruciating pain and paralyzing fear I had been feeling every.

At the moment, although I've done quite a bit of research and have worked alongside professionals in the course of my Recovery, I am still learning all of the intricacies of my disease as it pertains to My Story. It affects the mind AND the body, essentially setting up an internal war where the mind is attacking the body. When at first there are three at war, there soon becomes two, leading The Anorexic Mind to take over the Logical Mind, until a total dictatorship ensues. My Anorexic Mind has been in control for nearly a decade. I can't even begin to explain how much it pained me to turn my back on the one consistently constant presence in my life.

HERE'S WHAT I KNOW IN THIS MOMENT: I'm an hour out from starting my work day at the NHL Awards. My sister, Diana, spent the last three hours picking up my fallen pieces. This morning, I woke up with a sledgehammer beating against my head.

As per usual, I'll be part of the media, standing on line with a field of reporters.

She even auditioned for American Idol, making it to the Hollywood round, but didn’t make the Top 24 in Season 7.

She made headlines last year when she showed up on the arm of Alexander Ovechkin at the NHL Awards, but she denied that the two were a couple, claiming that she and Ovechkin have been friends since they were kids.

Lauderdale, New Jersey and Los Angeles, which is where her parents currently live.

I found myself in the hospital for the 4th time in the span of six months for what I had astutely diagnosed as “severe migraines”.

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