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Eventually, she realized that I was never going to love her and she realized that I was always going to love the other woman, so my back-up plan walked out of my life later that year. But I lost them both — simply because I wasn’t willing to make the tough choice that I had to make.When I talked with Ashley Saturday, I gave her two pieces of advice. If you’re sure you love one of them, choose him over the other one, even if the other choice is more stable and seems like more of a “sure thing.” There’s a reason that most of our songs in life are about intense love, lost love and being desperate for real emotional connection.As Ashley told me her story, I flashed back to July of 2008.I’ve mentioned a bit of this story before, but I’m going to tell you a very intense part that I’ve never had reason to tell before. I was in love with the one I was dating at the time, but I was scared of some things I saw in her (and things I saw in myself, too, even if I wasn’t honest enough with myself at the time to see it that way).In the spring and early summer of 2008, the first woman and I had talked a lot of marriage.I had some legitimate fears about things in her that I didn’t understand at the time, but I knew I loved her and wanted her.I thought about this Saturday because of a woman I met and talked with.
The second woman was something of a “project.” Her life had been a mess when I met her, and I had invested a tremendous amount of time in “rescuing” her.She told me about how she had grown so much since she had known me and that she was afraid of what would happen to her without me. and we were still talking when the place closed at 11. I tried to explain why I needed to marry the other woman — that I loved her and that we were more compatible — but it was gut-wrenching. I knew who I loved, but I couldn’t bear hurting the other woman as I was.