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Through this voyage, I’ve been able to look at my stretch marks and love them because they show growth.I can look at my thighs and love them because they keep me standing strong (on most days).Within a very short period of time, I lost that sense of peace and acceptance when my neck and shoulders unexpectedly gave out on me for no apparent reason.Migraines and muscle knots were becoming a monthly, then a weekly, then almost a daily occurrence.I also dye my hair every shade of the color wheel as a way to experience vibrancy, and I experiment with makeup on a regular basis.These small changes and acts also gave way to something I never thought I would ever be involved with – boudoir modeling.You feel it constantly failing you every day, making it impossible to do things you used to do so easily – make your bed, take out the trash, clean your dishes, transition into Downward Dog.
I could crumble and complain and see my existence as being doomed, which I also did and sometimes still even do from time to time.
I was no longer the person I worked so hard to become.
Three years and countless appointments and blood tests later, I was finally diagnosed with hypermobile EDS, which is a chronic connective tissue disorder caused by faulty collagen production.
However, since I’ve been struggling with chronic pain and since I’ve realized I need to make friends with my body, getting inked has taken on a whole other meaning.
I now see the art as a way to decorate my body and create a masterpiece out of it to remind myself that my body is more than my pain – it’s a canvas, and I can make it anything I want.
Or I could find a way to accept my condition as best as I could, as well as find a way to honor my body and appreciate it for what it is – mine.